top of page

The Secret of Sexual Preference According to Kabbalah

Human attraction goes much deeper than surface-level chemistry. In Kabbalistic teachings, sexual preferences are closely tied to a person’s spiritual journey. At the heart of this idea is a simple yet profound truth: we are naturally drawn to the traits or qualities we suppress or overlook within ourselves. This attraction serves as a spiritual tool, helping us grow by guiding us toward the balance we are missing. Through our attractions and connections with others, we are given opportunities to face these hidden aspects and move closer to a sense of inner wholeness.




Suppression and Attraction: The Mirror Effect

Kabbalah teaches that human beings are vessels for divine light, but no single vessel is complete on its own. The parts of ourselves that we suppress or fail to nurture—whether qualities, desires, or spiritual attributes—create a void within us. This void does not lie idle; it actively seeks fulfillment. The aspects of ourselves that we hide are projected outward, attracting us to partners who embody those very traits.

For example, someone who suppresses their vulnerability might feel deeply drawn to a partner who radiates emotional openness. This attraction is no coincidence; it is a spiritual push, encouraging them to face and embrace the parts of themselves they have left undeveloped.


Balancing Spiritual Opposites

In Kabbalistic terms, the human soul consists of dynamic forces that are meant to work in harmony. When these forces are imbalanced—such as when certain traits are overdeveloped and others underdeveloped—we unconsciously seek relationships that restore equilibrium. This principle of balance can be seen as a divine strategy, where relationships serve as a mirror for our spiritual growth.


Common Aspects of Attraction: Conscious Imbalances

In many cases, attraction occurs when we are drawn to partners who possess qualities we consciously recognize as lacking within ourselves. These relationships often push us to develop the traits we suppress or have not fully explored.


Examples of Positive Imbalances:

Suppressed Trait

Attracted Partner's Trait

Spiritual Lesson

Emotionally Reserved

Open and Vulnerable

Someone who holds back their emotions might be drawn to a partner who is emotionally expressive and open. This attraction encourages the emotionally reserved person to explore and embrace their vulnerability, developing a more balanced emotional expression.

Over-Rational / Intellectual

Intuitive / Creative

An individual who is overly focused on logic and reason may feel drawn to a partner who relies on intuition and creativity. This attraction encourages the rational person to nurture their more intuitive, imaginative side, creating a more holistic approach to life.

Need for Control

Spontaneity and Flexibility

A person with a deep need for control may attract someone who thrives in spontaneity, free from rigid structure. This attraction helps the controlling person learn to let go, trust the flow of life, and embrace a more flexible approach to living.

Introversion

Extroversion / Social Confidence

Someone who is introverted may be drawn to an extroverted, socially confident partner. This attraction serves as an opportunity for the introverted person to expand their comfort zone, develop social skills, and embrace the external world.

These types of attractions are relatively straightforward and are generally seen as healthy challenges, encouraging growth in specific areas of life. However, not all attractions are this simple. There are also deeper, often unconscious dynamics that can create more complex and challenging attraction patterns.


Unhealthy or Unresolved Aspects of Attraction: Subconscious Imbalances

Sometimes, attraction does not occur because of missing traits that are readily visible or positive. Instead, it arises from unresolved emotional wounds or suppressed parts of ourselves that we are not consciously aware of. These attractions are often more complicated, as they can feel unhealthy or even painful. However, they serve as powerful opportunities for healing and transformation if recognized and addressed.


Examples of Unresolved Imbalances:

Suppressed or Unresolved Trait

Attracted Partner's Trait

Spiritual Lesson

Fear of Abandonment

Emotionally Distant / Unavailable

A person with abandonment issues may unconsciously attract someone who is emotionally unavailable or distant. While this attraction feels painful, it is a call to heal the fear of abandonment and learn to establish trust and security in relationships. This dynamic forces the individual to confront their deep-seated fears and ultimately learn how to embrace healthy emotional intimacy.

Victim Mentality

Controlling or Manipulative Behavior

Someone who feels powerless or has a history of victimization might find themselves drawn to a partner who is controlling or manipulative. This dynamic mirrors the individual's subconscious acceptance of being victimized and presents an opportunity for growth by breaking free from these patterns. The attraction pushes them to reclaim their personal power and learn to establish healthier, more empowering relationships.

Unresolved Anger

Passive or Submissive Partner

An individual who harbors unresolved anger might attract a partner who is passive or submissive. This dynamic gives the person an opportunity to express their anger constructively instead of using it in destructive ways. By confronting this suppressed emotion, they learn to communicate their feelings in a healthy way and release pent-up frustration.

Low Self-Worth

Narcissistic or Overly Confident

A person with low self-worth may be drawn to a partner who is narcissistic or overly self-confident, seeking validation through them. This dynamic reflects the subconscious desire for external affirmation but also reveals the need for the individual to recognize their own intrinsic value. Through this attraction, the person is prompted to build self-esteem and find confidence from within.

These types of attractions often stem from unresolved trauma or emotional blockages that are hidden deep within the psyche. They may initially feel painful or frustrating, but when recognized, they offer the greatest potential for healing. By confronting these suppressed parts of ourselves, we can work toward true spiritual integration, addressing the imbalances that hinder our growth.


Abnormal Sexual Desires and Perversions: Disconnected Energy

In Kabbalah, sexual desires—whether healthy or not—are ultimately driven by the soul’s quest for completion. However, when the natural sexual energy is suppressed, distorted, or disconnected from its higher purpose, it can manifest in unhealthy behaviors or perversions. These desires often arise from unresolved traumas, unmet emotional needs, or suppressed aspects of the self. While these desires may appear to lead to negative or destructive outcomes, they still come from a place of yearning for wholeness, just like healthy desires do. The difference lies in the way they express themselves and the path through which they seek completion.

In this context, perversions are not simply acts of deviance but are an attempt to find balance and healing. They reflect the soul’s attempt to complete itself, yet they emerge through unhealthy, misaligned expressions of sexual energy. These distorted desires highlight an imbalance between the physical and spiritual aspects of the self, often preventing the individual from fully experiencing the divine flow of light. When these desires arise, they signal a deeper need to heal the soul's fragmentation, not merely to fulfill a superficial or fleeting physical pleasure.


Examples of Abnormal Sexual Desires and Perversions

While these distorted desires may seem disconnected or harmful, they represent an attempt by the soul to heal, to integrate fragmented parts of itself. Below are examples of how these desires manifest and what deeper healing they ultimately point to:

Distorted Sexual Desire

Root Cause / Spiritual Imbalance

Spiritual Lesson

Sexual Objectification

Viewing partners solely as objects of desire, detached from their humanity or emotional essence.

This reflects an inability to see others as whole beings. The desire for purely physical gratification stems from a need to heal emotional disconnection and to learn to connect with others holistically. Healing requires restoring the spiritual balance of perceiving others as divine and whole.

Dominance and Submissiveness

A need for control or surrender, often rooted in unresolved power dynamics or childhood trauma.

These patterns arise from an inner conflict with power and vulnerability. The desire for control or submission is the soul’s attempt to resolve deep emotional wounds of helplessness or insecurity. True healing comes from integrating the self and transforming the power imbalance within.

Excessive Fantasies or Taboo Desires

Seeking extreme or taboo experiences, often tied to themes of power, pain, or shame.

These desires are often rooted in unresolved guilt, shame, or trauma. They are the soul’s attempt to process suppressed emotional pain, but these desires become a distorted means of seeking healing. Healing lies in confronting and integrating these hidden emotional wounds, rather than indulging the fantasies.

Addiction to Sexual Pleasure

The compulsive need for sexual release or self-gratification, often linked to an underlying sense of emptiness or insecurity.

Sexual addiction stems from an inner void or emotional neglect. The soul seeks to fill this emptiness through physical pleasure, but the true need is for emotional or spiritual nourishment. Healing comes from restoring emotional balance and addressing the root cause of the inner void, rather than seeking external, temporary relief.

While these desires may initially seem destructive, they should be understood as cries for healing and unity. The soul is trying to express and complete itself, but without the right tools, this expression becomes misaligned. These desires are not inherently "bad"; they are simply manifestations of deep needs and wounds that have not yet been integrated. They reflect the soul’s inability to heal itself through normal channels and point to the necessity for a deeper, more conscious form of spiritual work.




Healing Sexual Imbalances: Restoring Divine Balance

In Kabbalah, healing sexual perversions and distortions involves realigning the individual’s sexual energy with its divine purpose. It is not a matter of repressing or denying these desires but of understanding their deeper significance and addressing the underlying wounds that give rise to them. Rather than fulfilling these desires through relationships or external actions, the focus should be on healing the inner fragmentation that causes the distorted behavior.

The process of healing sexual imbalances requires self-awareness and spiritual repair. It involves recognizing the suppressed desires and understanding that they are trying to fill a deeper emotional or spiritual need. The solution is not to satisfy these desires through unhealthy behaviors or external gratification, but to heal the underlying causes—be it unresolved trauma, emotional wounds, or spiritual disconnection.

By addressing the root cause of these distorted desires, individuals can restore the balance between their physical and spiritual selves. The energy, once misdirected, can be realigned to serve its highest purpose: connection, unity, and divine light. Sexual energy, when aligned with spiritual truth, becomes a force for healing, a sacred tool for union with the divine, and an expression of spiritual wholeness.

In this way, perversions can be transformed not through indulgence but through the process of healing. As the soul integrates its fragmented parts, the distorted desires dissolve, and the individual is left with a deeper, healthier understanding of their sexuality—one that leads to spiritual growth, inner peace, and a more authentic expression of divine light.


Spiritual Lessons Through Attraction

The Kabbalistic understanding of sexual preference is not merely about compatibility, but rather about engaging in soul work. Attraction serves as a tool for self-realization, with each partnership offering a chance to confront and integrate the suppressed aspects of one’s being. The focus is not on changing the other person to meet our needs, but on using the relationship as a reflective lens for deeper self-discovery.


“Every meeting of two souls is a conversation between their hidden parts, a call to balance the fragmented whole.”


In Kabbalah, every relationship holds a spiritual purpose—one that goes beyond simple emotional exchange. Attraction, in this context, becomes a signpost, guiding us toward the lessons we are meant to learn about ourselves. Whether these lessons involve healing old wounds, embracing qualities we have neglected, or confronting deeply held fears and desires, the relationships we attract are invitations to address the deeper work that our souls are calling us to undertake.


Through attraction, we are often presented with the opportunity to face the parts of ourselves that we have yet to fully understand or integrate. This spiritual process isn’t about creating a “perfect” relationship or expecting the other person to fulfill all our emotional needs, but about using the connection as a pathway to uncover those hidden fragments of ourselves that require healing, growth, and transformation.

By understanding that attraction has a higher purpose, we see that it is not merely about romantic or physical desires. It becomes a profound spiritual journey, where each relationship has the potential to reflect what we need to heal, evolve, and align with our true divine nature. In this way, attraction shifts from a superficial experience to a powerful, transformative tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth.

Practical Implications

Understanding the spiritual dynamics of attraction can profoundly transform our approach to relationships and personal growth. Rather than resisting or judging our preferences, we are invited to ask deeper, more introspective questions, such as:


  • What does this attraction reveal about me?

  • What unacknowledged parts of myself are being drawn to the other person?

  • How can this relationship serve as a mirror to help me grow into a more balanced and integrated version of myself?


By framing attraction as a spiritual tool, we begin to unlock layers of self-awareness that lead to greater fulfillment. No longer do relationships appear to be random or based solely on external factors. Instead, they become purposeful encounters that serve as catalysts for spiritual evolution and self-discovery. Every attraction, whether it leads to a deep connection or a challenging experience, holds the potential to guide us toward a higher state of alignment with our true self.

When we view attraction through this lens, we understand that the relationships we form are not just opportunities for emotional connection but for soul-level healing. They are reflections of the energies we carry within us, and by engaging with them consciously, we can address areas of imbalance or suppression. This awareness allows us to grow, not only in terms of our relationships with others but also in our relationship with our own higher selves.

In this way, relationships become much more than a pursuit of love or companionship; they are a spiritual journey, each one offering valuable lessons that bring us closer to wholeness. As we move through this process, we align more fully with our divine essence, creating the opportunity for deep, lasting fulfillment in every area of life.


Conclusion: Seeking Wholeness

The Kabbalistic understanding of sexual preference reveals that at the core of our attractions lies the pursuit of wholeness. We are not simply seeking a partner for companionship or validation, but rather striving to reconnect with the divine balance that resides within us. Each attraction, whether brief or enduring, is a reflection of the internal work we are called to do. It serves as a reminder of the qualities, energies, or aspects of ourselves that need healing, integration, or restoration.

In the journey of attraction, we encounter not just a potential partner but the opportunity to reconcile the fragmented parts of our soul. Every attraction, at its deepest level, calls us to look inward and ask, What is this relationship teaching me about myself? What do I need to heal or complete within? The partner we are drawn to often holds the key to these deeper questions.

As the Kabbalistic insight suggests:

"In every partner, we meet both the answer to our prayers and the questions of our soul."

This concept highlights that every relationship offers more than a chance for love or intimacy. It becomes a process of self-discovery and spiritual alignment. The true purpose of attraction is not merely fulfillment, but a divine opportunity for growth and reconnection with our higher, balanced selves. Through this lens, relationships take on a sacred purpose—guiding us toward our highest potential, restoring our inner equilibrium, and helping us return to the wholeness we seek.

Fill the form and we will Contact you shortly.

Thank You for Contacting Us!

© 2021 Kabbalah-Binding. All rights reserved.

bottom of page